Roll away your stone..

Nothing that I write will ever do the last 3 and a half months justice, but I have to give it a shot because I want to remember it.

The last days have flown by incredibly fast, so fast that I didn't even remember to blog. Probably as some sort of emotional defense mechanism, I have tried to not think about or call home for some time because the thought of leaving EcoQuest is heart breaking.

We've had a few days to clean up the campus to get it ready for the next group and to pack, but today is solely set aside as a fun activity filled day full of bonding games and sunshine and beautiful sights. We went back to Tapapakanga Beach (I could have called that), the beach we went to on our 3rd day at Ecoquest. The field leaders packed us a picnic lunch and this time we weren't freezing in our thermals and fleeces, but lying in the grass and sand in our bathing suits. What a contrast!

Also a couple days ago each of us was given 2 sheets of paper to write our names on. Those papers were left on a table and over the course of two days everyone made their rounds and signed something on everyone's papers. I usually wrote about my favorite memories I had with that person, what I love about their personality, and something they have taught me. Most people vowed to wait to read theirs until the plane ride home, but I had no such self control. Me, Sam, Anna, Sara, and Janet all huddled into Sara's tent and had a sob-session over our notes.

In all honestly, most of them weren't sad. They were sweet or funny, but there were a couple that really got to me. It's always nice to know when you've positively affected someone's life. I put a lot of time into writing notes for other people so it was nice to get some really nice responses back.

Saying goodbye is so hard. The field leaders also painted 25 small rocks from the beach in our back yard and we each chose our favorite. I got one with little footprints on them and of course the last person to get one was Valerie and the last rock left in the box had stars painted on it. It was so perfect. When we picked our rock we each said a word that we wanted to associate with our stone so we could always carry it around and remember what we had. Mine was family, and here are some others:

Family, hope, friendship, love, being, peace, confidence, self, life, laughter, knowledge

We had a fire ceremony last night and sat around in a circle. Each of us threw a piece of wood into the fire to symbolize something bad that we were leaving behind. I threw away my self-doubt, because if being in New Zealand has taught me anything it's that I can do absolutely anything, and the only thing stopping me is fear. Then in no particular order almost everyone shared something with the group. Most were on the line of thank you, and it was a collective group reflection on the semester. There was some laughter and a whole lot of tears. We huddled for warmth and weeped about it all coming to an end. Field leaders Wendy, Maree, Dale and Chris joined us for the first hour or so and shared some words of wisdom and hope for us. We all needed it, and it helped me feel a little bit better about the goodbyes left for the next day. I stayed up almost all night talking to some people until the fire finally died.

This morning we woke up at 5:30 and all watched the sunrise over the Coromandel for the last time. Even Ria and Jono were there with us. We had our last breakfast and dragged the last of our belongings out of our rooms and packed the trailers around 7:30. We said goodbye for, no joke, an hour. Lots of people shared their last words, and I even had my bit to add, which I wasn't able to say without crying. I said that the day before I was listening to the James Taylor song "Carolina in my Mind" and how it's about Carolina being a place he brings himself back to when things are really bad. I said that Whakatiwai would always be that place that I could go in my mind.

Long hugs and crying all around. I told Maree how inspirational she is. I told Wendy how much respect I have for her and how badass and strong she is. I told Drew he better extend his departure date for the Boston marathon so he can hang out with the UNHers longer. I told Sarah is only 'see you later,' not 'goodbye.' I told Holliday she gives the best hugs and that me, her and Beck have to go backcountry skiing in Vermont this winter. Anna, Paul and I snuggled and cried together the whole drive to Auckland in the vans.

Never in my life have I been with a group of people that is so loving and accepting all of the time. I have been so fortunate to meet such amazing friends. With the help of 24 of my classmates, I have evolved into a much better person and I have grown into a person that I am proud of. Ecoquest changed my life forever, and it's an experience I'll never forget.

Hold on to whatever you find..

(The boys practicing their haka)

These last few weeks have been winding down far too quickly. Even though we've been hard at work with DRPs, I've made the personal decision to wake up early every day and not work past 4 in the afternoon so that I have some time to unwind and have fun and do the things I love to do still. With so little time left, I didn't want to waste too much time staring at a computer screen. AND guess what? I'm ALL DONE Baby!!! I've handed it all in and will be receiving the final published version to show off right before I leave.

To celebrate the first day of summer a few nights ago, almost everyone set up their tents on the lawn by the gazebo. Some people just brought out their sleeping pads and bags and lied out in the middle of our tent city circle. The sky was perfectly clear and we all lied in the middle, huddling for warmth and watching the stars. Sam made mochas and Chris popped some corn with the perfect amount of salt and butter for everyone to share. We could see Jupiter that night and Orion's belt was in plain view. I saw more shooting stars than I could count. We reminisced about the early days of Ecoquest, when we barely new each other, and how far we've all come since then.

(Tent city by day)

One of the girls, Valerie, is a physics major and specializes in astronomy. She spent at least an hour pointing constellations and galaxies and nebulae out to us. She even knows quite a bit about Greek mythology and the stories associated with the constellations, which was really cool to hear. It was probably one of my favorite nights so far.

The next night a few dedicated people including myself went back out to tent city. The stars weren't out, but it was nice to be out in the fresh, crisp air rather than our stuffy cabins. We were eventually reduced to just the four of us- me, Tasha, Paul, and Chris. After taking a walk on the beach around 10:00, we went back and lied down and ended up talking about life until almost 2:30 in the morning. Incredible. Finally at that point we were all sleepy and I retired to my tent. I've made the decision to spend the rest of my nights at Ecoquest in a tent.

(Mochas and popcorn outside Drew and Chris' cabin)

(Drew brought his whole bed set into his tent haha)

I've spent a lot of my afternoons swimming in the ocean, which has been really great. A lot of the time, when the wind blowing the water feels warmer than the air. I can't believe that I've been in New Zealand this long and it was my first time last week going swimming in the Firth, and now I go practically every day. I've also spent a lot of time reading and lying in the grass and having long conversations with people.

(The lovely frog crew.)

I can't believe it is only 5 full days before we leave. That's scares me to death. I love it here so much, and have become so accustomed to this lifestyle that it is hard for me to remember life-before-EcoQuest.